Where did I go? I've been a lot of places but that's not really what I mean. I mean the me that was born into a family of four children...you know, the early me.
Short answer is, I got married and had children. Don't get me wrong. I've never regretted for a minute marrying my husband...well maybe a second here and there but those are the times I put hot english mustard thickly on his sandwiches and move on. Nothing like the pungent tang of a dose of the mustard shooting up the nose to remind someone it's time to pull their head in...especially when it happens very rarely.
Of course I've never regretted having my children either, any of them. I Love my family to death. They give me so many laughs and trouble and fun, not to mention an abundance of writing material.
That being said, when you get married and have children, the person that was essentially you slips away little by little. I don't think it goes altogether it all just gets a little archived for a while. I have become my husband's wife and each of my children's Mum and that's fine but for a lot of years I lost sight of what I wanted to do for myself...of what I really liked.
Where am I now? Obviously I'm here, writing this but once again I'm talking a little more deeply. I'm finally finding myself again in a lot of ways. I'm writing. I'm TELLING people I'm writing which is big because there were only a few people that I told before that I liked to write and I don't really know why that was. The content of my writing? Possibly. The fact that I felt a little guilty taking that much time out for myself. Maybe. Maybe I was just frightened that everyone would think what I wrote was rubbish. I guess I don't know that either really. All I know is that I'm writing and I'm happy about it and I'm loving being able to pick bits of me back out of the archives and try and put the pieces of the puzzle all back together. I'm nowhere near finished but I'm trying.
Where am I going? Well after I make about thirty tiny tents for a Gold Rush diorama...Hopefully I can work on making my writing a success, I can enjoy seeing all of my children find there own love, happiness and tranquility...and my husband and I can sit back and enjoy each other, our family and our beautiful grandchildren.
Becky's Last Chance at Blushing Books
And at Amazon Kindle
My Fanfics can be found here...
We might feel as if we lose bits of self when we have children - but when they've flown, then we rediscover other, enriched selves - it's one of the many joys of womanhood, that we can explore so many different aspects of ourselves in one lifetime. (I took off travelling once the kids had gone - for a year!! And wrote a book - won't give the link or this will look like spam). So enjoy the writing - it's just another glorious aspect of who you are.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jo, I'm starting to feel that I think :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to everything you said. I've been a mom and wife for years and sometimes I still feel like I am adjusting, like I am split into two people. Fun-loving before kids Irene, and swamped exhausted housewife Irene. I took up blogging on of my hobbies myself (I'm a bookworm) as an outlet. I spend so much time on my family, I needed something for me. 2012 is my year of empowerment and so far I am kicking ass at it!
ReplyDeleteKeep writing, keep reaching, keep taking time for you! :)
Thank Renee! You keep kicking ass too...I'll check out your blog :)
ReplyDeleteA charming account of yourself and thank you for adding me to your circle. It will be interesting to read more of your postings :) All the very best with your writing endeavours too.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Inge :)
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